He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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