I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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