Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
