Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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