I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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