I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
