You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
