she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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