How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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