You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
