Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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