Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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