Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
