i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What drink are we having for lunch?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize