i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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