Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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