The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
