i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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