I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
