If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
