He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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