Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
