I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
