Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
