true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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