if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize