is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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