There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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