I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
