I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i out mim tonsoeep
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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