I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize