I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have aggressive nipples.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
