Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
