at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
