well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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