Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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