don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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