at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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