I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize