I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
