Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize