alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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