You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
