She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
