Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
