My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
