I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
