He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
