You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
