u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
