So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
