What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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