You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
