You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize