i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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