I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
