you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Be still, my beating vagina.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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