Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
