The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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