You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This house was built for laser tag.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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