I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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