Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
