I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
