I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
