so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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