It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
