it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
