i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
