I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize