um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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