remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
