he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
