I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
