the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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