I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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