I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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