That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize
