If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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