Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
