sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
