tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
