It was confusing and full of hummus
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
