Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
