Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
