How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
