Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
