Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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