You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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