Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
