I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize