Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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