my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
