I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
