the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
