Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
