just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
