You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
