like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
