what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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