I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
