my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
