I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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