I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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