these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
