Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
