I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
