What a fucking waste of an outfit
just come out here and I will go home with you...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize