is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
