How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
