I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
