its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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