You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
FUCK WHALES
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
