Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
