Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize