I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
