u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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