i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
